Interesting Quotes

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Included here are some quotes that Tim finds interesting.

Some because they made him think.

Some because they made him laugh.

Some because they made him cry.

 

 



    If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed. if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed." 

    No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. (1866)

    The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

    There is no distinctly Native American criminal class...save Congress.

    Suppose you were an idiot.
    And suppose you were a member of Congress....
    But then I repeat myself.
    - Mark Twain

    I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
    -Winston Churchill

    A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
    - George Bernard Shaw

    A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
    -G Gordon Liddy

    Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
    -James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

    Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
    -Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University

    Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. 

    If you think health care is expensive now,
    wait until you see what it costs when it's free!

   -P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

    Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
    -Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)

    Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. (1986)

    The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.
    -Ronald Reagan

    I don't make jokes. I just watch the government
    and report the facts.
    -Will Rogers


    In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
    -Voltaire (1764)
   

    Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!
    -Pericles (430 B.C.)
 

    Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it.
    -Unknown
   

    The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
    -Winston Churchill


    The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
    -Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)


    What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
    -Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)

    A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
    -Thomas Jefferson


    "The quality of a person's life is in direct proportion to the commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor."   Vince Lombardi

    "You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom.

    What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

    The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

    When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation.

    You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it."

~~~~~ Dr. Adrian Rogers, 1931 - 2005

HELPFUL HINTS (not serious ones)

1. If you're choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.

2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you'll be afraid to cough.

7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn 't move and does, use the duct tape.

8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS

If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED?

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
 
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila,  floor.....
 
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
 
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
 
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
 
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
 
7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
 
8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with  soap?
 
9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
 
10. Is there another word for synonym?
 
11. Where do forest rangers go to 'get away from it all?'
 
12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
 
13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
 
14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
 
15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
 
16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
 
17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
 
18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
 
19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
 
20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
 
21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
 
22. One nice thing about egotists.  They don't talk about other  people.
 
23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
 
24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
 
25. How is it possible to have a civil war?
 
26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
 
27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
 
28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
 
29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have 'S' in it?
 
30.  Why are hemorrhoids called 'hemorrhoids' instead of  'asteroids'?
 
31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
 
32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
 
33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?
 
34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God? 

 

ATTITUDE 

 The longer I live, the more important I realize the impact of ATTITUDE on life.  Attitude, to me, is more important than facts,  It is more important than the past, than education,  than money,  than circumstances,  than failures,  than successes,  than what other people think or say or do.

 It is more important than appearance,  giftedness or skill.

It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the ATTITUDE we will embrace for that day.

We cannot change our past ... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.

We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we CAN do is play on the one string we have, and that is our ATTITUDE.

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

And so it is with you . . . we are in charge of our ATTITUDES.

- Charles Swindoll 

TO ALL MY TEACHER FRIENDS:


After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said:  
'Let me see if I've got this right.
'You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.  
'You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.  
'You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job.  
'You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the final exams.
'You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.  
'You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.  
'You want me to do all this and then you tell me. .. . I CAN'T PRAY?